On Kurt

Kurt Cobain passed away 27 years ago yesterday.

I don’t often get too personal about this kind of thing, but it was on my mind a lot. It’s hard to talk about these things, but I think it’s an important thing to do. (FYI as for why I’ve been away from the website recently, it’s just I’m busy with school, living and enjoying my life)

Instead of Kurt’s death by suicide being only a tragically sad story, I was thinking about something else today.

Understandably, for a lot of youth, who sometimes feel lost, or isolated and lonely, who struggle with depression, anxiety and teenage angst. or even substance abuse, it’s often easy to see Kurt Cobain as a sacrificial lamb, as a star that burned into the sky after becoming everything he thought he wanted, then ended up losing his battle with depression, and dying by suicide.

It’s often seen as “romantic” in our eyes. because when you're in a very vulnerable place with your mental health you can find something to relate to in stories like his. For example, at times I’ve been in a very dark place in my life due to depression and anxiety, and I’ve thought “Me and Kurt aren't that different. I’ll die by suicide, and people will remember me, like a rockstar”. But the truth is I’m suffering, and I need help to fight the lies depression is telling me. I’ve been in therapy for 5 years. I work hard. I have no intention of taking my own life. I want to live a long life. But life goes up and down, good times come and go, and in the dark times it’s hard to remember it passes. But please trust me, it passes. Still, I’ve related to Kurt in my dark times. But I feel as if using Kurt, as a famous person, and as some sort of poster child for suicide, and forgetting that he was a man who also felt joy, happiness, laughter and the fullness of the human experience is wrong. And yes, though he ended up dying by suicide, he was still a full human being in his time on this earth. And though we sympathize or grieve over his passing, I feel like it can sometimes be more harmful to his legacy and to us as people to romanticize the way he died.

And I think often we can forget Kurt was also lighthearted, comedic, goofy (see his interviews, his butchering of performances), he was a full person. He had ideas, talents, hopes, dreams, success, fun, failure, fears, good times, and bad. He was born to a mother and a father, he was a husband, a father, a friend, a talented artist, writer, guitarist, vocalist. 

He was a genius musician, who put emotion into music that touched many people, and with his band created great bodies of work.

He is still a huge musical inspiration to me - especially for my own album, Levi - and many others. He changed the grunge scene forever. 

So I think we can learn that even when we see ourselves in someone like him, and sometimes maybe we see the world and his suffering through his eyes in his final days, we should also remember he was more than a tortured artist. He laughed, he cried, he experienced wonder. We do the same, even when we sometimes also have dark times. So though I think it was a tragedy his life was cut short way too soon by suicide, we shouldn’t let that define Kurt. He was and is so much more than the way he died. I think that often about great people who have suffered from mental illness and suicide.

Etika was more than his passing, so much more. Robin Williams was so much more. I will always remember Kurt Cobain, Etika, Robin Williams and many more for the best they gave us, and I try to think about their everyday moments of all kinds on this earth. I will remember they also suffered painfully. They fought longer than any of us can know. And not to minimize at all the fact that they and many other people tragically lose their battles with depression, despite how hard or how long they fight, I think awareness of mental illness and suicide in our society should be a priority, less stigmatized, and less romanticized, with a focus on good mental health care and prevention. Like I said, the people like Kurt were more than their shocking deaths. We also need to remember them for how they lived not only how they died. The fullness of their lives mattered. They were loved.

And sometimes we can all lose sight of that.

Rest In Peace, Kurt Cobain, thank you for everything.

If you are struggling with depression or suicidal ideation, go this website for help:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org